Poor of Spirit

Maybe you are searching for the feminine in God like in Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe at Cathedral of La Plata

This is an age that places the highest value on certainty. We want our leaders bold and unfailing in their convictions and prefer politicians who are confident and refuse to be questioned. Technology and the internet has made the practice of fact-checking easier than ever (yet somehow presenting articles with conflicting information). People are criticized for questioning our social institutions because of our unwillingness to be uncertain or critical of such important parts of our communities. Even many of our institutions that acknowledge the supernatural and the sacred push the idea of an irrefutable certainty of beliefs.

As the week that Christians call Holy Week is upon us, I wanted to speak about the poor of spirit. My last two blogs in this series on poverty have focused on economic poverty, something near and dear to my heart. Yet I am also a deeply spiritual being that aches at the disconnection that exists between our religious communities and folks searching for food for the soul.

I believe there is a spark within, something I call a soul and that we are not just functioning nervous systems controlling our limbs and organs. We are not our thoughts or our memories or our bodies but something else. A heart, a soul, an essence that is created by someone or something Divine. This belief of a sacredness within would have existed without my religious background.

I have been beyond fortunate to have been raised in a religious community that fed me nourishing words of love, hope and acceptance. I believe that even if I was not brought up in a community of faith, I would have still searched for something to satisfy my spiritual needs. Being spiritual does not necessarily mean being religious. Religion, which has been a part of humankind for over 100,000 years, creates a unifying system that has three elements: the sacred, beliefs and practices and a moral community.

While I see many wonderful elements of faith communities such as the abundance of friendship, guidance, and comfort, I understand how many people have been deeply hurt by organized religion. Churches have been exclusive, judgmental, and self-righteous. The same people who are marginalized in society are often on the margins in our religious communities as well. I know many individuals who had toxic experiences with organized religion which have put them off religious communities in their adulthood.

However, the need to have absolutes is another factor that drives people away from religion. On one hand, religion gives explanation and a type of peace to the chaos that is our world. We live in a scary place full of heartbreak, injustices and extreme inequality; we crave something that makes sense of both the pain and the joy that we experience. However, we are also unwilling to not have all the answers.

Perhaps you have heard someone (other than Drake) say it was "God's Plan" in the face of a tragedy or that "everything happens for a reason". I see this need to justify terrible events as more for the person giving comfort than the person who is experiencing the devastation. When a religious person say these types of statements to a person experiencing great loss it creates the image that God is making you feel pain for a reason. This idea that God is inflicting this on you personally leads to the thought that you did something wrong or bad to have caused this event.

A better alternative is I don't know. I don't know why that drunk driver hit you car. I don't know the reason why you had a miscarriage. I don't know why your child has cancer or your father died when you were young or you are suffering with depression. Because tying to answer these questions is something we will never be able to do in this lifetime and using God's rightness as an excuse is wrong. God should not be seen as the Punisher but of never-ending compassion, love and grace.

Besides the certainty some try to promote during time of darkness, there is also the hesitance of questioning anything at all. When someone starts questioning if the bible is God's perfect word they may not share that with their Christian community and instead stop attending bible study. When someone is looking for the feminine in God and Christianity they may withdraw from the Church in search of satisfying their spiritual needs elsewhere. Someone who is doubting the existence of God may leave their circle of religious friends out of fear of being forced fed their explanations and beliefs.

In Jesus' famous Sermon on the Mount he says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" in Matthew 5:3. This is a message for those questioning God. Jesus is saying it is fortunate to be uncertain in religious laws and promises because the alternative is being so sure in your convictions that you are closed off from others and from God.

The poor in spirit, the ones questioning faith are suffering as they challenge the world and what they determine to be the truth within themselves. Yet they are rich in their uncertainty; they do not settle for a religious teaching which does not ring true to their souls. They question religious institutions that speak words of exclusiveness, superiority and promote blindness to social issues.

For the readers who are strong in their convictions: please be patient and open to those uncertain in their beliefs. Perhaps you will be moved by their faith journey.

For the readers who are unsure what or if you believe in anything: listen and care for that voice within. Acknowledge that there are forces in life you do not understand. Do not be afraid to read, visit, and interact with other religions or spiritual practices. Understand that there are non-judgmental people willing and wanting to be a part of your exploration.


Muchas gracias for reading!! See you next with part four of my series on poverty!

A Crying Shame (whatever that means)

Shame can make you feel alone - like waiting for the Line C in Buenos Aires early New Year's Day

The American Heritage Idioms dictionary defines 'crying shame' as an unfortunate situation. It is a term suggested to have come from the now obsolete to cry shame upon, meaning to express vigorous disapproval. These days we refer to both mild annoyances and tragic circumstances as 'a shame', sometimes add 'crying' for dramatic or humorous effect. 'It's a shame that I broke my watch' and 'it's a shame that the family died in the fire' are very similar except the seriousness of the situation.

Yet more and more I like the original expression - it truly gets the gravity and heaviness of what we call shame. Shame is the painful feeling or experience that makes us believe that we are flawed; that something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection, love and belonging. Shame has been described more as an experience than a feeling - a flush of heat reddening your face, feeling sick to your stomach and mortifying embarrassment.

The research of Brené Brown, esteemed social researcher and author, is the basis for much of my understanding of shame and how it is used in our society. Through years of research and interviews with people of all ages and backgrounds, one of the findings is that shame is a powerful isolating force that can only be healed through connection and empathy.

We all have felt shame throughout our lives and people feel shame for different reasons. For one person, something insensitive may be brushed off or met with embarrassment. For another, it can deeply wound.

One example is when discussing weight and diet. Let's say a coworker sees their colleague eating fast food a few times during the week and says something like "Wow, you are lucky your body can handle that. I would look like a cow in no time with that diet". Someone who has a positive view of their body may be able to just roll their eyes and let the insidious comment go. However, another might have struggled all their life with their weight and body image - they may remember the mean nicknames, diets their parents implemented, and the sense that they are ugly because they were/are overweight. This type of comment could be very harmful and shameful, leaving the person feeling raw and exposed.

People can feel shame about their bodies, professional life, romantic life, parenting, and more. Nobody wants to discuss the things they feel shame about because sharing vulnerabilities is risky. To open up about our deep hurts - how we feel like a failure and an outsider with something wrong with us- is completely terrifying.

Yet it is necessary. If we stay silent with our shame, our hurt grows. The only way to combat shame is emphatic connection - knowing that you are not alone.

Lástima

One night my friend Pilar and I was sitting on the terrace of our house, sharing a beer and discussing social problems in a mixture of English and Castellano. She said has lástima for the people who live in the streets and asked me the word in English. At the time, I did not know the translation but now I know that lástima means pity or shame.

Not only do I have pity for people suffering homelessness but I also feel immense personal shame when the topic arises.

(Actually, in my head and aloud, I often refer to them as 'homeless people' or 'the homeless'. The stress is on the word 'homeless' makes it seem more like an idea or problem than a group of people.)

I am ashamed when I cross the street to avoid being close to a person who appears homeless. I feel shame when I give women or children money but not to men, as if they are less deserving. There is shame when a homeless man says something to me and I ignore him. Sometimes I catch myself staring at whatever shelter or meager materials a person possesses in curiosity; then the feeling mortified if I catch their eye. During interactions, I become uncomfortable and can ignore someone asking me for money - looking right past them as if they are not flesh, blood and spirit like me.

I feel shame in my interactions but also that they live an unimaginably horrible life and I do not.

Much of this part of my shame is guilt. Shame is a focus on self while guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad" while guilt is "I did something bad". I have guilt that I did/do not help more to lift people out of homelessness. Guilt that I am outspoken, yet my actions do not match up to my statements as I would like. But there is also a sense of shame that I have good things and I am not worthy.

In order for humans to deal with such unpleasantness we blame, rationalize and create distance between us and them.

Using blame, I tell myself that they probably make a hundred dollars a day panhandling - ignoring their dirty clothes and sickly faces. I shouldn't give them anything; they will spend the money on drugs or booze anyways. I worked earned my money; the reason they're homeless is because they didn't work hard enough or save their money. This narrative we tell ourselves gives relief to our bad feelings and a logical excuse to not help people in the streets.

We also take great pride in our community's outreach even if we do not know much about the organization. We give ourselves a pat on the back for all the work our centers do even if we have never seen or know the services and functions.

We carry an image the promotes the idea that homeless people are dangerous or criminals. An poorly dressed, unstable man who mumbles to himself is a classic stereotype of a person who lives in the streets. There is some validity in that image as many people who are homeless also suffer from mental health problems and poverty is a factor in crime. However, this stereotype can be used to exclude, judge, or harm someone unfairly.

Furthermore, a homeless person can be the decently dressed kids on the bus or the woman selling soap in front of the cathedral. People experiencing homelessness can be sleeping in their cars, living out of motel rooms, or couch surfing. They also can be actively attending school, college or a job. When you close the distance and realize that people suffering homelessness are a lot like you, it can make you fearful, anxious but also more likely to see the people for who they are instead of their living conditions.

Shame makes me want to turn away from homelessness because of the overwhelming complexities it makes me feel. Only through admitting these feelings to others can we discuss the shame regarding homelessness. Once we see that we are turned in on ourselves, we can begin learning, listening and reaching out to truly connect and help others.

Owning Shame

While we are ashamed of ourselves in certain social situations, we also have the experience of being shamed from others. This is when someone actively makes you feel wrong or flawed which disconnects you from the others who are 'normal'. It can be with direct statements or jokes or can be through subtle messages. People with the best intentions can make someone feel ashamed or it can be someone hurting and looking to hurt others. It can be two guys making fun of a third when he shared that Where the Red Ferns Grows made him cry as a kid or a group of women for chastising a new mother for choosing to go back to work after childbirth.

Our society - through advertising, media and stereotypes - also feeds of countless messages that we are not enough.

A person who grows up in a disadvantaged neighborhood can feel ashamed of their circumstances from a young age. Even if their peers are from the same area, there is still the certainty that being poor is bad which means you are bad. Some of the damaging messages from the world are that your parents are lazy, being poor means you are dirty or stupid and that you can be only happy with a nice house and expensive things.

It is the painful truth that having insufficient income for living comfortably results in a less healthy life with less opportunities. Also, in areas of low income and poverty there are other toxic issues such as high unemployment, poorly funded public schools, lack of accessibility to healthcare and high crime rates.

However, instead accepting the shame put upon them, I see people proudly claiming their culture. They have a different identity from people of other neighborhoods and social classes but they share the culture of the neighborhood. Many poor people take the negative opinions and criticisms, remove or embrace the stigmas, and proudly represent their culture and experiences.

In the United States, I see a culture that emerged from the inner city or the 'hood'. From the inner city, which are communities predominantly POCs, the first jazz, rap, break-dancing and hip-hop emerged. Fashion, hair styles, slang, and other elements of culture that were once localized in a marginalized neighborhood moves to mainstream culture as the edgy, cool new thing (and often omitting where or whom these elements of culture came from). A lifestyle that celebrities imitate and the businesses of fashion and music capitalizes on it.

In Argentina there is also both shaming and celebrating the culture of the rough, poverty stricken neighborhoods called the villas (pronounced VEE-shas). Villas are dangerous, extremely poor areas that lack proper housing and sometimes basic services such as trash removal, ambulances, and police. The people from the villas face discrimination, hardships and severe lack of opportunities. Yet, parts of their culture such as the music of Cumbia Villera or the rap artist Duki are now mainstream and appreciated by many. Someone from the villas may feel ashamed of his home or education but he feels proud of his style and music. It certainly does not solve or address the bigger issues of poverty but maybe with possessing a strength in himself, the man from the villas can find the strength to take on the larger issues in the world.

For shame to thrive it needs 3 things: secrecy, silence, and judgement. Maybe the reason I am so ashamed to discuss how I feel about people suffering homelessness is because it's something not polite or proper to talk about. We can talk about homelessness in abstract terms but we are never encouraged to befriend these people on the margins.

Perhaps people from disadvantaged neighborhoods have figured out that speaking up is what kills shame. That sharing our wounds and sorrows with others builds strength, forms communities and creates a unifying force that drives actual social change.

There are countless things to cry shame upon in this lifetime. Will you keep your pain inside and isolate yourself? Or cry upon the shoulder of another and God to grow through you weakness?


Please watch Brené Brown's TEDtalk full of humor, heart and more of what I touched on.

Thank you for walking with me today. Feel free to share your thoughts, stories, disagreements or questions below, on Facebook or through my email. See you all next week!

Chacos, Birkenstocks or Wal-mart? Identity and Social Class

Don't judge a man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins (in this case, second-hand sandals)

Months ago, in the middle of August, I began the first week of my program in Chicago. I remember the week of orientation was full of extreme emotions; the yearning to make a good impression, both grief and hope as we discussed global problems and solutions, and the ever shifting tide between excitement and anxiety. As I met 100+ young people from all over the country, both alumni who completed their year of service and newbies just beginning, I was eager to connect.

Yet, there was something that made connecting difficult. It wasn't my occasional off-key singing or not knowing any song lyrics or that I sometimes chew with my mouth open (gross, I know). Instead, this is something deeper that became part of my identity in childhood.

It is identifying as poor, as a member of the lower class.

I have little shame in the financial circumstances of my childhood, although my parents might. I was never hungry; food stamps and free lunches at school gave me additional food security. My parents always paid the electric, heat and even the cable bill on time. I had state provided healthcare and my parents somehow had the money to pay for orthodontics. We even had time and money to travel which is truly a great privilege.

However, from an early age, there were times I felt abnormal based on my circumstances. During back-to-school shopping I was allowed to buy 3 new outfits so I wore the same clothes often. There was the need to make my ripped jeans 'cool' instead of just old and ratty and that year when we all shared the Christmas present of new furniture.

None of these things are meant to invoke sympathy and in countless ways I had an amazing childhood full of love, support and, yes, adequate material possessions and security. Nevertheless, I have had some painful experiences that others my age may not be able to relate to, especially young adults from different financial backgrounds.

Today, I am a college graduate, have a closet full of clothes and traveled to Europe; all characteristics more common to the middle or upper class than working class. Yet, in many ways, I still feel like that girl labeled as 'poor'. They call economic class socioeconomic status because class is not solely based on income but on the social circles and culture a person relates to. After graduating college, I earned enough money to be more financially comfortable than my childhood; yet I still carry the habits and attitudes from my poor background. I love shopping at thrift stores, taking pride in finding name brand clothes for less and spending my money wisely. I know that the unexpected happens so I made sure to have decent amount in savings and good credit score by my early 20s.

Unfortunately, it is just not good habits that I carry with me. There is also a jealousy at others' unearned advantages and an anger at their blindness (ignoring the log in my own eye of my unearned advantages and blindness). In my teenage years, as I learned more of the injustices in society and the policies that keep the poor disadvantaged, my emotions oscillated between heartbreak and rage. I felt strong emotions at the inequality of our broken world and often released this energy towards unsuspecting people of the middle and upper class. At that time, I would rant when anyone complained about emptying the dishwasher because that had water, and dishes and a dishwasher! Probably a matching set of dishes from Ikea! So much more than so many!

Since then, I have pretty much come to terms with the ugliness inside myself that unfairly classifies people due to social class. I see the world in more shades of gray than in black and white and I know it is unfair to stereotype someone and blame them for societal ills.

Still, subconsciously, I have feelings of being unable relate to people who are of a different economic class. It seems that Young Adults in Global Mission has a uniform of expensive sandals, iPhone 7s and a private education that I did not know about and can only partially relate to.

It sounds materialistic and image conscious yet objects are the easy things to compare. It is harder to admit that when I hear of my friend with a near perfect smile lamenting over a future with braces, I shamefully think of my mother's rotting teeth and her need for serious dental work. Or when my friends share stories of their rough days in college, I think of the semester I worked 40+ hours during the weekends and failed half my classes.

By many standards of American society, I have the security, finances, education, and access to healthcare that sets me above the poverty class. Living my life here, I have an even greater privilege of wealth, security and personal freedom. It seems like a contradiction that I both have tremendous amount of privilege and identify with the lower class, yet it is the truth. Internalizing the message that I am part of the working class and it developing in my identity is just one of the many complexities surrounding poverty.

I had a brand new Barbie bike WITH tassels for my 5th birthday!! Such privilege!

Currently, Christians are in the season of Lent, or Cuaresma in Spanish. It is a time of year is for acknowledging the sinfulness and brokenness of both ourselves and of our society. The focus is on repentance - a turning away from wickedness - and how a relationship with Jesus the Christ is necessary leave our old selves behind.

This Lent, I want to take you on a journey with one of the greatest societal sins: poverty. The next four weeks I will be sharing the poverty here I see in Argentina, the complexity of our attitudes toward the poor and the role of social institutions such as churches.

Undoubtedly, people from the United States are very generous in helping the poor. I am impressed with the speed and effort many undertake to donate food, water, and money to areas affected by hurricanes, tornadoes and other natural disasters. Numerous people regularly give their time and energy to helping the needy. On the other hand, Americans also have many arguments as to why they should not help the poor. People do not support policies that raise people out of poverty and demonize the lowest in society, blaming poverty on moral degradation of the individuals.

I want to take a walk down this painful, broken path. Where complexities and false information thrive; where people are put against each other in the evilness of Right vs Left and the promise that political parties or religious institutions offer the absolute solutions. I want to talk about poverty and morality in an open, honest space where right vs wrong is more important.

Feeling uncomfortable? Ashamed? That's natural! Please read next week's blog about why it is so hard to talk about poverty.

As always, thank you for reading and for your willingness to stretch your mind.

Please feel free to email me or comment (I will know how to respond this time haha) if you want to chat more. See you all next week!