Les? Bien!

An American in Argentina
Journey with Joy

Newsletter May 2018

Les? Bien!

In the busy months before leaving for Argentina (which now feels incredibly far away) one of the many preparations and considerations for the year ahead were the clothes I was packing and if I wanted to alter my style. It was not that I planned to break out my thrift store rose corduroy bell-bottoms (although I am waiting for them to come back into fashion daily); instead I was contemplating getting a shorter, boyish haircut or a rainbow flag tattooed on the back of my neck. I was considering adopting a more masculine style and dress so people would not assume I am heterosexual and rightfully suspect that I am a lesbian. 

LGBTQ Pride Flag under the Argentine Flag at the Facultad de Bellas Artes

I, Joy A. Reason, declare myself a lady-loving lesbian to all; even to those uncomfortable with it (and especially guys looking for a date). This is not the first time I make a public announcement of whom I am attracted to and it will not be the last. Strange that folks need to come out of the closet and make statements about their private lives if they are not straight. Then again, we live in a world where thousands of LGBTQ people live in danger of being themselves; that I can publicly be myself is truly a privilege.

I am assumed to like men due to my choices in makeup, high heels and a style typically considered girly which does not fit the lesbian stereotypes. People are defaulted to be straight in our heteronormative society, especially if they fit the traditional gender roles. Furthermore, as a member of a religious organization and a missionary with the Lutheran Church being gay may seem like a major contradiction and even incomprehensible.

As a whole the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America is an open and accepting body that welcomes people of many sexualities and identities, recognizes and performs marriages between same-sex couples and ordains pastors who identify as gay, queer, lesbian, bisexual and other non-heteronormative identifications. It is near impossible to reduce such complexities to simple statements but the idea is everyone is welcomed into the body of Christ as children of God. Official language and stances of the church regarding human sexuality was published in a set of ordinances passed in 2009. More information on this comprehensive statement can be found here ELCA Human Sexuality.

Very often people from all religious backgrounds are surprised of the progressive attitudes of the ELCA. However, this statement also gave individual congregations the freedom to be as conservative and traditional as they choose or feel they need to be. There is no consensus on concepts of human sexuality and morality in regards to the biblical scriptures and Christian tradition. The church calls for mutual respect and for guidance that seeks the good of all; this includes honoring the beliefs of people from the LGBTQ community as well as those who believe being gay is a choice and a sin.

As a teenager I struggled with understanding myself and my sexuality for a long time, especially in accepting that it was ok for me to be gay. I completely embraced dear friends identifying queer but I wasn’t sure if it was ‘right’ for me to be that way. While I firmly believed that God created all my beloved friends exactly how they were meant to be, I questioned if that applied to myself as well. It took years of questioning, trial-and-error, and a life-long crush on Luna Lovegood to come to terms that being queer is part of my identity: it is unchangeable and it is beautiful.

Embracing the gay in the West Village, New York City in March 2017

Author Nina LaCour says “People talk about coming out as though it’s this big one-time event. But really, most people have to come out over and over to basically every new person they meet” which was one of the truest statements I have ever read. I naively expected that after I posted about my sexuality on Facebook that no longer would I need to explain who I date or how I identify. But actually when you are constantly assumed to be something you are not than if you do not explain the truth it feels like you are hiding a part of yourself.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hide a part of myself away during this year of relationship forming and integrating into a community. After sending my application to the Global Mission office, I sent an email to the director of the YAGM program, Julie Rossate, sharing my thoughts.

I wrote “At first I thought I would prefer to stay quiet about my sexuality if I was offered participation in this program. I am a feminine woman who understands that different cultures have varying ideas of what is acceptable or allowed in society. I am confident that I can live in a society that believes being queer is immoral or wrong. Not that it would be easy to live like that but in reality it's another societal ill - along with racism, sexism, and classism - that is a part of this world. However, I realize I may be (grudgingly) accepting of homophobia in a large society, I can not say that about my community. I want to be a part of a community where I can be honest with myself and with who I am. I know that there are likely people in every community, including in my daily life in America, against LGBTQ rights and people and that is somehow tolerable. Many of these people need education or exposure to change their heart. However, I would not want to be placed in a community where everyone believes that it is a sin to be gay. I would want to be able to be open about my sexuality to at least a few of my brothers and sisters, to the people I share my daily life with.”

The Young Adult in Global Mission program has been refreshingly thoughtful and accommodating to LGBTQ folks. From a support group made of past YAGMs that met at different times during events to a session discussing discrimination and dangers LGBTQ people face in society during orientation. There are quite a few site placements and countries programs that are not favorable for those who identify as not hetrosexual yet every year the program is looking to expand to friendlier and safer sites. I have been extremely fortunate to have been able to be placed in Argentina and with the Lutheran church of the IELU which are open and accepting of the LGBTQ community.

As a person part of a marginalized community I am typically cautious of how I speak of my sexuality. A common question I am asked when people first meet me, besides what state I am from and if there is snow, is “tenes un novio?” which is if I have a boyfriend. When I first arrived and was unsure of the climate of the culture I would answer “no, no tengo una novia”; it was assumed that I misspoke as I changed the -o to an -a, not that I was saying that I did not have a girlfriend. Now, with more confianza in myself and the people around me, I actively explain that no, I am interested in women.

Depending where I am at I get a lot of different responses. The first person I told at my work at the community center was Auxi who teaches in homework help; she said "Que linda!" which is “how pretty!” or “how great!” and a phrase used quite often in Buenos Aires. Compartiendo Un Sueño is a organization centered on children and there I get the most questions about my life from kids and adult alike. They are all asked with innocent curiosity and a genuine interest in learning more. I truly love answering and entering dialogue with them because I know I can share my unique experience and some of my culture with them just as I learn so much from them daily. The most remarkable thing is that it is not a big deal at all; it is stranger that I can not roll my R’s than whom I date.

While I am always willing to engage in dialogue with people who only know of lesbians from television and stereotypes, it can be relieving to not be a spokesperson and just be myself. A significant moment this year was when talking to my housemates in casual conversation, I mentioned to them that I do not date men and my friend Pilar said in an offhand way (in English) "I know it". It was refreshing to not need to explain or go into detail but that this part of my identity is already common knowledge and accepted as a part of me.

During the month of January there was an accampartmento with the youth of the IELU in Greater Gran Buenos Aires. Pastor Ava, Pastor Daniela, myself and 7 teenagers slept in tents, had water balloons fights and made friendship bracelets during this fun week. Teenagers are remarkably similar across cultures like the boys scaring the girls and everyone wanting to explore the old creepy house on the property. Something I was not used to was that the teenagers planned their own devotions. The theme of the week was “Una Cultura de Paz” or a Culture of Peace and it was up to them to decide what that personally meant to them

The first day was centered on violence and they planned devotions and skits that explored this strong topic. The next day they planned a devotion on identity and being different in sexuality or gender. They discussed how it must be difficult to live within society and how people can be considered weird, immoral, sick and outsiders. Pastor Daniela lead them in thought provoking questions like how jokes may be very harmful or how people can use the Bible or Christianity to harm others rather than love others. I shared that I identify as a lesbian, some of the complexities of sexual orientation and appearance and of living as a Christian in a world where those identities do not seem to match. I was wonderfully embraced by all in the group, both in body and spirit.

Having positive and accepting experiences this year has been both healing and affirming. It is true that not all people of the IELU or all Argentines are so accepting but I have been blessed to inhabit a place where I can totally be myself. I felt no need to avoid the truth when talking to an elderly lady or awkwardly joke when asked about having a boyfriend. Every encounter I reveal this part of myself carries some sort of risk; a risk of criticism, of being labeled as unnatural or a sinner or moral corrupted. What is interesting is that I am more vulnerable in many ways in my life here yet more confident in revealing my sexuality.

It is not the fact that Argentina legalized same-sex marriage 5 years before the US did or that the IELU released a similar statement with stronger language just one year after the ELCA (IELU Mismo Sexo) that makes me feel more comfortable. It is that I have needed to trust others more in my daily life; from small things like asking strangers directions to the bus stop but also scary things like trusting others with the knowledge that I am different from them. Trusting that even if people do believe I am morally wrong in my lifestyle or mentally confused that I will be shown respect, acceptance and hopefully love.

Today I trust you all to do the same. I may have anxiety of getting bible verses thrown in my face or gossip being passed around. There is even the fact that some of you may want to disengage and no longer want to follow my journey. But my heart knows that I have so many walking alongside me no matter what my sexual identity is.

My supportive CUS friends Auxi, Caro, Lauty,Paula, Olga and Rami