Sharing a Dream

Sharing a Dream

Most weekday afternoons and a rare early morning I take a bus from my city to the small locality called City Bell to my “work site”. My program is a facet of the Lutheran church yet my work is not; I volunteer at a non-profit called Compartieno Un Sueño, a grassroots community center that focuses on children and their families regardless of faith or political alignment. The name of this dynamic organization translates to Sharing A Dream which, coincidentally, represents my view of missionary work very well. I am here to witness, learn and understand; not to push or force my views on anyone.

Compartieno Un Sueño serves around 50 families living in poverty. When I explain my work to people from the U.S., I compare it to an after school program. The space is open weekdays from 9 in the morning until 7:30 at night and each day hosts different workshops. This includes sessions like homework help, ceramics, cooking, art and music, and dance. There is also a certificate program for adults to finish their primary school education that meets once a week. Every day at 5:30 it is time for merienda which is something like snack time as most Argentines typically do not eat dinner until after 8pm. All are welcome to stop by for a snack and something hot to drink during cold months. 

When I speak to people here in Argentina, I call it a comedor, a place people can receive free meals. Besides the daily merienda every other Saturday families come to receive dry goods for their home. I have helped prepare the many bags of flour, noodles, beans, oil and cans of food and I am shocked at how many people are fed by CUS.

In my struggles of knowing so little of the language, lacking knowledge of my workplace is one of the most frustrating. From day one I felt warmly welcomed and wanted; yet I did not fully understand the history or purpose of the program. It has taken me a long time to piece together information of the relationships between the people, the roles they play in the organization and the realities of the hardships of the community. I’m am embarrassed to say it took me almost 2 months to comprehend that everyone was volunteering their time!

Counting fingers and helping each other with math during Apoyo Escolar

Compartieno Un Sueño was began by one woman over ten years ago in response to the need in her community for children to be fed. These children on average had one meal a day at school and went to bed hungry. Paula Gil renovated her garage into a space for nurturing and nourishing; creating a fairly large, multipurpose room and adding a kitchen and bathroom. Today, the walls are brightly colored with artwork and the space is jam packed with books and supplies.

The mission began with addressing hunger, starting with a daily snack then later adding food for dinner that each family took home. But soon another need became obvious: along with food there must be other nourishment that allows each child to be a full person.

I am still figuring out what this means. I know that the children live in poverty; that crime, drugs, violence are all problems in their community and families. Some of their houses are lacking flooring or glass windows and have walls and a roof made out of scrap materials. I know that the children are labeled as bad kids just for where they come from - and, unsurprisingly, they often behave that way. That the stereotypes are sometimes fitting; I know kids with sunny personalities and adequate school supplies and kids with attitudes, rough edges and wearing yesterday’s dirty clothes. Kids who are called dangerous by people who ignore that it is the kids' living situations that are the real danger.

My lack of understanding has made me cautious in sharing my work as I am afraid to misinterpret or convey wrong ideas. However, perhaps even if I spoke perfect Spanish I would still struggle to decipher the nuances of the context. Because when I think of discussions of poor neighborhoods of Toledo, I think of the disagreements and discord. I think of the radically different views in terms of societal and personal responsibility and general lack of comprehension of the causes of poverty that are deeper than income.

As my understanding of castellano grows, so does my understanding of both the basic and the complex. In the meantime, I will continue witnessing, participating and being myself.

This week it is full on summer vacation so the workshop for homework help has been turned into games, art, and reading. I helped with tie-dying, played Jenga (or whatever they call it here), and decorating the space for Nochebuena (Christmas Eve). I know all the popular hand clapping games, most which are variations of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' and once tried to translate one of my own which was met by confusion. I am excellent at Veo-Veo (I-Spy) because it involves pointing but the spelling in Ahorcado (Hangman) gives me problems. I also eat merienda with the kids, something that no other adults seem to do but I guess it’s fine.

I do not need fully understand in order to be present. Through participation and relationships I can share myself with these amazing people as they have shared so much with me.

Kids everywhere love balloons! Here they drew faces on them :)

The girls who study social work at the university brought the balloons, games and smiles

(Extra)Ordinary

From my own terrace was the brightest rainbow I have ever seen!

I am living a year of my life in South America and it is an adventure.

Some people may be imagining me in a jungle, surrounded by parrots in lush, rich greenery and living in a charming, albeit bug-infested cabana. Or maybe in the breath-taking mountains surrounded by llamas and the depths of the landscape. Perhaps you have a picture of me in a chaotic metropolis full of lights, colors, people and the music of cumbia in the air.

While there are occasional parrots and tropical birds, pigeons are the ones who sit on the rooftop terrace with me. Argentina is home to tropical green lands but in northwest a long 16 hours by bus to the providence of Misiones. I have not yet visited the terrain of Patagonia, a 22 hour bus ride southwest, but I am told it is more beautiful than the photos. Not sure yet if there are llamas.

Calling a medium-sized city home, I am happy to say La Plata is full and colorful. This city is known for one of the largest universities in the nation; stylish young people fill the streets, speaking lunfardo (Argentine slang) and wearing trendy platform shoes. Ironically, I am building a cumbia argentina playlist as I type (hopefully with all the classics).

Argentina is incredibly diverse in geography, climate and culture per region which sparks a curiosity within and a desire to explore. During the vacation season I plan to visit both Patagonia and Misiones to see some of the strong diversity of the country.

These plans of visiting new regions are a big deal. They bring to mind the spirit of adventure. Something unforgettable, daring, and maybe a little crazy; experiences or sensations that make our hearts pound and blood rush.

You may be surprise to learn that those intense emotions often come to me in daily life as opposed to my more exotic travels. When I am a tourist, I gladly accept being an outsider because I know I am a person visiting for a few days before continuing on my way. No, it is my identity as a foreigner and my everyday living that stimulates the excitement and anxiety of adventure.

Appearance wise, I may or may not look Argentine depending on who you ask. The color of my skin or hair does not completely make me stand out as a foreigner as there are many rubias, blondes, from European descent but some have said since I am very blonde I do stand out. Perhaps my style of clothes make me as outsider but what really marks me as foreign is my use (misuse) of language.

I am not exaggerating when I say that the moment I begin speaking people instantly know I am a yankee (which they pronounced shan-kee).

On good days, my simple sentences get the point across although with strange word choices and a strong accent. But many times, I cannot be understood or cannot understand what is being said to me.

I enter the fiambrería (deli) a few blocks from my house. The girl on the other side of the counter is nice and there is no one else in the place so I feel more comfortable, knowing that I usually hold up the line. I ask for mozzarella but she pulls out bleu cheese. Even though words like cheddar and mozzarella are the same in Castellano (this dialect of Spanish), I have to point to the cheeses because my accent is so peculiar. Also, I do not know how to say how much I want so I just motion with my hands. I leave the store feeling good of the positive interaction; I am fortunate that the girl was patient and interested in where I am from rather than annoyed. I am not always so lucky.

Living here for four months now, there are a certain set of stores I visit out of proximity; 4 different almacéns (small grocery stores), one large supermarket and an inexpensive produce place near my work. Argentina is home to numerous small businesses so I have talked to all the people who work there and even the family owners. I try my best to form connections but my limited vocabulary plus the internal pressure to be friendly usually means I stick to the conversation template I have practiced. Also, I typically do not understand what they say to me so many of them have stopped trying to start conversations.

There are many kioscos in my neighborhood which are like corner stores where you order from a guy at a window. I have only stopped there with friends because I have strong anxiety of asking for what I want. Sure I can say 'Un Sprite por favor' but I don't know how to ask for which size and when I get nervous I forget my words. Not only can I not ask politely but sometimes I can't ask at all! Only recently do I feel confident in my numbers and I have stopped giving people the wrong amount of money.

More Difficult Daily Situations:
1. Not having GPS or a map to get around
2. Asking for directions
3. Understanding directions given to me
4. The fear that someone will ask me for directions
5. Being spoken to by a random person - usually I don't understand so I say 'no lo se' or I don't know

This all may sound bleak but the optimism that is such a large part of my personality typically laughs about it, shakes it off bad experiences and treasures the positive interactions. When I feel frustrated or depressed, I remember that challenges, internal and external, promote growth and development in people. Plus, daily my language skills are improving and I am proud at my growth.

For me, the big adventure does not lie in the wonder of the places I visit or the number of cities I encounter. Every day, every interaction holds adventure. It can be high anxiety and downright scary at times but the thrill of having a full conversation, understanding and using humor, and constructing a life here is daring and exciting its simplicity.





Interested in learning more about this program? Know someone 21-29 who would be interested in a year of international service? Please visit Young Adults Global Mission. Applications are open from December 1 until February 15!

Beyond Counting Your Blessings

A huge jacaranda tree in bloom in La Plata

The season of sharing traditions, creating a warm home and bringing laughter to a child's face is upon us! Also, the time of rampant materialism depending on your perspective. As the holiday of Thanksgiving passes I find myself missing over-sized sweaters and the smell of pumpkin spice. When I go grocery shopping in my town it is strange to see displays of Christmas trees and snowflakes next to sunscreen and beach towels. My mind knows what season it is yet the heat and long sunny days makes me unable to truly comprehend that it is almost December.

During this time of year many of us are reflecting on our in lives in gratitude for the things, people, and opportunities we have; whether in celebration of Thanksgiving or in preparation of the Christmas season. I know of many families who have traditions of sharing their yearly blessings around the dinner table during special meals.

I think we can all agree that feeling grateful does not occur as often or come as easy as we would like. Sure, we are thankful for things, especially when we stop to reflect; yet it is common to be overwhelmed by the tragedies of living in a world full of injustices, violence, pain and loss. Optimistic by nature, I actively look for my blessings giving me a refreshed perceptive on many aspects of my life. However, even when I'm way up and I feel blessed, straight up some days it feel impossible to feel thankfulness in the face of the darkness in the world. Sometimes I feel like I haven't had a good time in a long time, you know?

I have realized that maybe we need to stop treating gratitude as a feeling. Feelings can be illogical; they drive us to behave in strange ways like crying, screaming, or ranting about Coca-Cola commercials. Feelings are mysterious; they can change within a moment and are not permanent expressions. They are the things featured in countless works of art and music yet unable to ever be fully captured.

Instead, perhaps thankfulness should be seen as an action. We may not feel grateful when we pay the total at the grocery store see but we can practice gratitude by appreciating the food we bought. Every day we may not wake up with a smile on our face to the 5AM alarm but we can train ourselves to think of a positive, appreciative thought over or alongside a negative one.

This practice of training yourself to have more positive, thankful thoughts is by no means easy. So, if you are struggling to find blessings in your life, do not think that I am giving you solution to finding total happiness (whatever that actually means). Do not think that I am dismissing the reality that life is difficult and painful; it may sound ridiculous to suggest a better life can be achieved by waking up and thinking good thoughts.

Nevertheless, I am confident that actively reflecting on the positive aspects in your life will make you appreciate the things, people and opportunities you have and help you feel fulfilled. It is something to do all year, not just when prompted. It is not the emotion of thankfulness but the action that will enrich your life for the better.

Some ideas for actively practicing gratitude:

-every night list 3 things you are thankful for that day

-begin a gratitude journal

-write a letter or message to a friend and thank them for their friendship

-go through the alphabet and say something you are thankful beginning with each letter

-when stuck in negativity, change your surroundings and focus on that space

Blessed with technology, loving parents, and a sweet puppy waiting for me in the US

Thankful for Nico's cooking, food and the art of presentation

Grateful for sunshine, the rooftop terrace, and my housemate's cat

Now, if you are willing, I am asking you to add something deeper to your understanding of gratitude. This will be far less enjoyable than actively counting your blessings but I believe it is essential for personal growth, forming and maintaining relationships and interacting responsibly within society.

It is not enough to be thankful for what you have. You also need to acknowledge the advantages you have compared to others.

This concept, even when presented in a mild statement, causes a strong, defensive feeling within us. We think of the ways others have more than us first (rather than how we have more than others). We are terrified of our hard-work being ignored. We are quick to explain that we are not like those people who are ignorant to the problems or inequalities of others.

And most of all, we have all felt personally disadvantaged before due to circumstances beyond our control.

Maybe you were the small, skinny kid, called names in school and never picked in gym class or the smart teacher's pet who never had many friends. Perhaps you grew up without a father and every Father's Day and sports event was a painful reminder. Maybe you were the girl not allowed to wear pants or the boy mocked for excelling in home economic class.

We all have stories of feeling excluded, left out or different from our peers, coworkers, classmates or family. These events and feelings were formative, sometimes painfully so, and these stories are a part of us. People's experiences should not be downplayed or ignored but instead discussed with vulnerability and respect.

However, we must distinguish that there are inequalities if comparing different experiences.

A person who was once overweight and now has the 'ideal' body weight may carry internal scars of name-calling and feelings of shame. They may still feel the stereotypes placed upon them by greater society such as lazy, ugly, or unintelligent. They may still feel like an outsider to certain social circles and have trouble loving and accepting themselves despite their ability to be considered 'normal'.

A person of color may also have feelings of shame and scars from name-calling. Stereotypes are also place upon them such as lazy, greedy, and the valuing of athletic ability over intelligence. They surely feel like an outsider to certain social circles and can be seen as someone representing their entire race or background if the group does have much experience with diverse people.

One big difference is that they can never change their body or background. They will always be seen as a person of color by employment opportunities, educational institutions, the media and Hollywood. A community can have no hate against them and total respect for their different life experiences; yet they still live in a society which is institutionally racist.

Both the stigma towards overweight people and people of color are not born in a single community. Within our minds, taught by society and against our conscious thought, we have stereotypes and are surprised if we meet a person who does not embody that stereotype. In movies and TV the lead actors are usually thin, white people while the 'fat guy' or 'black girl' play the funny friend. There is a part of you that finds it strange to meet a physically active overweight person or a 'well-spoken' POC.

This is not to make anyone feel guilty or ashamed. It is merely a fact that society has taught us certain stereotypes that are impossible to ignore or completely forget.

When I see a young man of color walking down the street at night, I cross the road thinking he could be dangerous. I assume a housekeeper is a woman and I usually have the mental image of a woman of color. When I think of the word politician I think of a white man. Despite firmly believing that any person can work any job if they have the qualifications I still have roles assigned in my mind based on gender and race.

Feeling bad? Well...good. Don't allow it to pull you into complacency but use these feelings to propel you into mindfulness and maybe research about systematic inequalities if you feeling ambitious.

First, I challenge you to be mindful about your own social circles and how your language can be inclusive or exclusive. Complaining about not being able to choose the perfect Christmas gift for someone? Maybe the person you are speaking to is struggling to afford any Christmas gifts. Had too much food to cook on Thanksgiving? Perhaps someone in the room is worried about having enough. Think the story of your drunken antics will be an hilarious hit? It's possible that intoxication and addiction has scarred someone deeply in the group.

Also, I dare you to look at the ways that you personally have advantages compared to others. How has your life been easier being born in your country of origin rather than being an emigrant? How would life have been different if you had a foreign accent? Have you ever got a job because someone you knew put a good word in? Do you ever say jokes that you would not say around a certain group of people? Was it expected of you to go to college? When you think of the color of  'skin-toned' what color do you think of? What type of hair or hairstyles do you consider 'normal'?

You can never understand the way another person experiences life but you can attempt to see it from their perspective. You can look inside of yourself and explore the ways society has taught you to judge and see the differences between people. With time and grace you can ask yourself the hard questions and grow in awareness.

You can still enjoy the flowering trees and sunshine. But hopefully, with a little more consciousness of self and society, you will be able to feel even more grateful for your blessings.

Jacaranda trees in Plaza Francia in Recoleta, Buanos Aires

Interested in discussing this more? Want to explore what privilege means, tell me why you disagree or just talk? Feel free to email me at reasonablyjoyful@gmail.com

November Newsletter

An American in Argentina
Journey with Joy

Newsletter November 2017

The first night I arrived in La Plata, it was an anxious 2 hours by bus from the capital city of Buenos Aires to La Plata. Actually, much to the worry of the people waiting for me, the ride was closer to 3 hours due to particularly congested traffic. At the bus station Iván, the pastor of San Timoteo, and Nico, a student and member of the congregation, were there to warmly welcome me to my new home city.  As we rode in the taxi, Iván gave the driver the directions. I live in a hogar which is a large student housing that is connected to the church building. Despite having extremely limited Spanish skills, I understood that the driver was asking about the church. When Iván explained that Luterana is a from a man named Martin Luther, the man thought he meant  Martin Luther King Jr..

I am accustomed to people not knowing who Martin Luther is or why he is important to the history of Christianity. Living in Argentina, home to Pope Francis and 92% of people who are nominally Roman Catholic, I was not surprised to learn that the Lutheran church is a minority. Throughout Argentina and Uruguay there are around 30 churches within the IELU (Iglesia Evangelica Luterana Unida - the Lutheran church formed by missionaries from the U.S. in the 1950s).

Most congregations have only around 15 members and sometimes fewer. This creates an intimate, close-knit community where you truly know every person within the church. One of my favorite things is that during the time for the prayers of the community in worship, we all gather around the table of communion, hold hands and are able to say our own prayers aloud.

The people may be few but they are certainly mighty; tasks of cleaning the church, providing food, and maintaining the building fall on the small number of people. Of course, all participation is completely optional but I find that sharing of tasks is more likely when there is a limited amount of people. When Marta asks for help in cleaning the temple, it is not to a crowd of casual parishioners but to a small circle of friends.

Such kindness and care! The people of San Timoteo celebrating my birthday with me.

Another unexpected thing for me is the knowledge and deep fulfillment in Christian beliefs, especially in Lutheran theology.

In America, while there are some major differences in various Christian traditions, for many they can fall under an umbrella of Protestantism. Religious folks and and atheists know that churches can look very different - some play organs and some use electric guitars, some have only men leaders and some welcome all to the pulpit whether women, gay or transgendered. Yet it can be easy to group Protestants churches as the same when worship services or lessons can seem nearly identical.

I have not found that to be true here. In my city of La Plata, with a population estimated above 800,000, I know of three Protestant churches; a Methodist church, my Lutheran church and a Salvation Army. Those communities are also very small and this month we had some combined events which attracted large crowds (of 35). I believe the reason these churches have dedicated members despite their size is the message of hope that they may not hear in the Catholic church. Every person I have met here who believes in a Protestant tradition knows why they are a member of that community.  

Why am I a Lutheran? Because I believe that we are all recipients of God’s unconditional love and that forgiveness and love is not gained through good works but it is a gift we did not and cannot earn. I believe that I am full of self-destruction, flaws and the sin of being turned in on myself where no amount of personal self-improvement can create an ideal life. When I am in relationship with God and no longer twisted in on myself,  I can act in ways that better this planet and humanity; feed the hungry, clothe the poor, forgive others, fight against inequality and injustice. We can never reach high enough to go to God but the Divine is always coming down to us; we are not even responsible for our own faith but that is also a gift from God. This outlook of Christianity is controversial today not to mention 500 years ago.

It has been 500 years since Martin Luther, a German monk, nailed 95 theses to the door of the Catholic church. He protested some of the traditions, customs and eventually the theology of Catholicism during the Middle Ages. This lead to the split between the Catholic and Protestant churches, what we call the Reformation, and many Christian churches today exist do to this action. I have been given the amazing opportunity to observe the anniversary in community with the Lutheran church in Argentina and see how they live out the freedom and hope of the Good News.

La paz esté contigo amigos y amigas ! Peace with you friends!

Students from the school Instituto Evangélico Americano perform the hymn

“Castillo Fuerte es Nuestro Dios” or “A Mighty Fortress is Our God”

Reformation Service in Villa del Parque, Buenos Aires. President of the IELU, Gustavo Gomez Pascua giving the message

Congregation Life

La Gente de Congregación de San Timoteo

Porque donde hay dos o tres reunidos en mi Nombre, yo estoy presente en medio de ellos. 

Mateo 18.20

For where two or three gather in my name, I am there among them. Matthew 18.20

I cannot recall exactly when I learned this bible verse; like much of my bible knowledge, it is something unconsciously stored in my mind. Being raised in a church has given me lessons of scripture that I often do not realize I have learned; much different than the memorization of the books of the bible (thank you 6th grade Sunday school teacher Michele Bobo!).

However, there is a difference between knowing and understanding. This is one of those verses that I really had not much given much thought to except when thinking about one-on-one discussions of spirituality that I have had with friends. Yet, as I have been welcomed and accepted into the community of San Timoteo, my understanding of this verse has deepen.

Some background: in the United States, I belong to Epiphany Lutheran Church of Toledo, Ohio which is a part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA). During the 1950s, the ELCA sent missionaries to Argentina and Uruguay to share their faith perspective and establish churches and schools. They formed the Iglesia Evangelica Luterana Unida (IELU) and now there are over 30 congregations throughout the two countries.

I have been fortunate to have visited many different ELCA congregations in the U.S. from big to small, young to old, diverse to homogeneous. I was told before arriving that the IELU had much fewer members than I was used to; I was surprised to actually see how few.

Most of the congregations in the IELU have around 15 members. When I first arrived, Iván, the pastor of San Timoteo, told me that typically they have maybe 9 or 10 people for worship and sometimes during poor weather it can be 4 or 5. La Plata is a city known for its universities so we also have a young adult group of about 10 that has their own meetings and events.

Such a difference than what I am accustomed to! In the U.S., my home congregation has about 50 people for each of their three services. That does not take into account the Wednesday worship, bible studies, youth events or the various community organizations who use our building.

During my time with San Timoteo I have witnessed the closeness that grows between a few. In general, I have found Argentines are more familiar with each other. For example, when greeting each other we press our right check to the other's and make an air kiss/smoochy sound; sometimes you may get a real kiss on the cheek, usually by a child or an elderly person. Nothing remotely romantic or sexual; this is simply how you greet every person, whether you have previously met them or not. I like the closeness it brings and that it eliminates the American dilemma of handshake, wave, or hug.

The people of San Timoteo are not close because they are Argentine but because they choose to form a community. They choose to attend worship, bible studies, and other events knowing that only a few people may be participating; actually, this may encourage them to participate more, I'm not sure. They get to know one another on a deeper level that big groups simply cannot obtain.

The size of the church also gives the members a different sense of responsibility than I am used to experiencing. The only person who is financial supported by the church is Iván the pastor yet everyone contributes their time, energy, and money to supporting the building and the people. I have seen Marta clean the floors and pick up trash from the outside of the building. Carlos will answer emails and update the church Facebook page. Nico is musician for worship and if he is unable to attend, Iván plays guitar and leads us in song. From a monetary perspective, I do not know much but I do know that it is up to the people to provide for each other. If we run out of coffee, someone buys some for the next time. If we are having some sort of meeting during lunch time, there is not a set aside budget but we all contribute some money.

I think of the attitudes the U.S. over the fear of shrinking congregations. Part worried about sustaining and part reminiscent of the past, organizations focus on numbers of bodies in the seats. By the standards of U.S. congregations, this congregation would be considered 'dead' a long time ago. Yet how can that be said when they keep returning for knowledge of the Word and nourishment for their souls? Why do we look at numbers before looking at the strength and bonds of a community? Why do we look at numbers at all when concepts of faith and hope are immeasurable?

I am inspired to rethink the standard in my head of what a successful organization looks like; it is clearly not based on size or money. The words mission, dedication, and hope come to mind. What do you think of?

Peace, Love, &
Joy

Example an Argentine greeting via Google

Transformed the worship space for an ecumenical Taize service

Lutero y Cerveza con los jovenes
Luther and Beer with the young adult group

First month in La Plata

el limonero de las estaciones

Saludos desde Argentina!

October already! While many of you are planning your Halloween costumes and consuming everything pumpkin spice, we just had la primera semana de primavera, or the first week of spring. This is a season of new life and today as I walked through La Plata, the city I now call home, I noticed the fuller, greener trees that line the streets. There are new beginnings and fresh perspectives growing internally as well; I am delighted to have arrived during a season that fits so metaphorically well.

The first two weeks I spent in Argentina was in the capital city of Buenos Aires, housed in the retreat center and main office building of the Iglesia Evangelica Luterna Unida (IELU). Inside these walls we were warmly welcomed and showered with hospitality which made the transition easier. Myself and the six other volunteers from all over the United States were able to have our first experiences in this unknown country together. We practiced riding public transportation, shopping, and even asking people for directions (I did not understand the replies but their hand movements were very helpful). Furthermore, this was a time to bond as a group of volunteers, center ourselves spiritually, and learn some of the rich history and context for where we will serve. We left with tons of emotions but feeling connected to each other and a little more confident in ourselves for the year ahead.

A lot of that confidence seemed to disappear as I rode the 2 hour bus ride to La Plata, replaced by nervousness and uncertainty. However, as we all shared pizza together that first night, I realized I had nothing to fear from my housemates except the rapid speed of their conversations. I live in a student residence called a hogar which houses 5 other girls, 3 guys, 2 cats, and a dog named Mora or Pancha depending who you ask. I feel very lucky to be in this place where I can share meals, beer, and conversation with young people that are no longer just housemates but friends.

During the first night, I was having a conversation with my friend Nico in the spacious backyard of the hogar. Nico speaks English so we are able to have conversations that are more thorough than any I typically have (my Spanish level is improving daily but is still truly basic). He showed me a bush that is on the edge of the yard called a limonero de las cuatro estaciones which translates to a four seasons lemon tree. While the fruit, which is available all year, looks like a mandarin and smells like a mandarin, the taste is more sour than a lemon.

What a perfect metaphor for expectations, I thought. Because I may want to come into this place with absolutely no expectations but that is just not the reality. The human brain will see something and try to identify, classify and compare it to prior experiences and knowledge. No matter how open-minded we are, if we will see something that looks like an orange it will be called an orange until proven differently. There will be situations where I may think I understand but I will need to remember that I do not know what is under the surface or the contextual background. Perhaps it is instinctual to categorize and simplify but, at best, it dulls and subdues fine distinctions and, at worst, it is completely inaccurate and sour. Instead of a juicy orange you get the harsh bite of a lemon.

Yet as I have been settling into my life here, I realize that I should let go some expectations of myself as well. When preparing my suitcases for the year, I packed health magazines, running shoes, books of Spanish literature; all objects to assist me in my ambitious goals of transformation. I planned to exercise every day, eat only salads, and practice Spanish for 2 hours daily so by the end of the year I would be completely fluent.

Fantastic goals? Sí. Realistic? Not so much.

Somehow I believed that being in a new place would so completely change my personality; I could be that driven individual who wakes up at 5am for morning runs and study for hours on end. While I can adopt some of these habits with time and patience, I am still a person who chooses ice cream over exercise, siesta over studying, and late night conversation over sleep. I can try to adopt some healthy lifestyle changes but only gradually and with forgiveness, instead of negativity when I falter.

Because if I do not learn perfect Spanish this year, that does not mean I should only speak English; it means I keep speaking no matter how poor it sounds and keep listening when I do not understand. If I do not have the perfect body or eat the healthiest, that does not mean I should stay in my room in seclusion; it means trying to incorporate healthy choices without denying the sweet things in life, without any negative self talk.

I need to embrace the person who I am right now in order to actively live in the moment. Lose the expectations of myself for the future and even strip away strict images of my identity I hold close. Love the person who I am currently and set her free to love others. I need to not worry about my ideal self of the future but instead thrive right here, right now.

Abrazos y Besos,

Joy

The mates in Olivos, Buenos Aires

San Timoteo to the left and the hogar in the back right

The view from my window

Seriously watching the birds on the roof patio with Pilar's cat Charley
 (a week after this photo he killed one so maybe I should not have encouraged this behavior)

Orienting myself at Orientation

Greetings from Chicago!

I am writing this from the Lutheran School of Theology in Chicago which is facilitating the orientation week before my much anticipated deployment to Buenos Aires. This is the first week in my year as a YAGM (Young Adult in Global Mission), a program of international service and building relationships through the ELCA and companion churches and communities.

Instead of writing about the mentally and emotionally full week that seeks to prepare our hearts and minds for the year, I want to reflect on the time pre-deployment. The time that I have spent parting from my friends and family has been precious and surreal, full of joy and grief. I say goodbye knowing that I will be absent from special holidays and celebrations, births and possibly deaths. It still has not truly hit me that I will be away from people who have such love for me for a whole year.

Numerous significant things were spoken to me in the days before leaving so I want to share some of that with you now.

"Is your stomach in knots?"

Yes and so much more! At times there is an anxiety in my gut that rises up like a wave of should-have-saids, need-to-dos, and what-will-happens. Other times such a huge feeling of gratitude floods in and I am a loss for words. I meet with friends for lunch and through conversation and laughter and tears, I hold close the wonderful friendship we have. When we have to part ways, despite knowing I will be able to reach them through the internet, the knowledge that I will be physically absent is breaks my heart a little. However, soon I am caught up in the next big emotion of excitement and wonder at the future ahead.

"We know you will succeed!"

How incredibly fortunate and bless I am to have people who believe in me! So many people have shown support of all kinds and it really overwhelms me in the best of ways when I reflect on it.

"Don't leave."

I wish I could physically take you with me. I wish I could spend Christmas with my family and that all of my closest friends could come down to visit this year. But this year of service, this time that I will use to develop relationships and experience another culture not as a tourist but as a resident will hopefully transform me deep within. It is something I feel called to do.

"Just remember to touch your shoulder if you get to feeling lonely or lost and know God is with you and we are too." 

I will have times of darkness in this time ahead and it feels good to acknowledge that fact. Yet the best feeling is that I know I will have the prayers, warm wishes, and thoughts of my community from home. I will never forget the wonderful, kind, and giving people that sent me and having the love and support from you throughout my year will sustain me.

"This God will use all of you and not just your strengths but your failures and your failings and your brokenness and God's strength is perfected in human weakness. So your brokenness is fertile ground for a forgiving God to make something new and make something beautiful. So don't ever think that all you have to offer is your gifts because God's going to use you too, he's going to use all of you and the world better watch out."

I do not need to do anything to make myself better or worthy to do a year as a YAGM - I can't even if I try. I am created by God and called to serve as my total self - my talents and my flaws. How freeing it is to give my life and my trust to a higher power; yet how difficult it is to lose control as well. That lesson that sounds easy but it is difficult to execute in our broken world.

Tonight I will enjoy my time with my 92 other YAGMs before we are sent into the unknown, across the globe. Next time I will be writing from Buenos Aires!

Abrazos,

Joy