Orienting myself at Orientation

Greetings from Chicago!

I am writing this from the Lutheran School of Theology in Chicago which is facilitating the orientation week before my much anticipated deployment to Buenos Aires. This is the first week in my year as a YAGM (Young Adult in Global Mission), a program of international service and building relationships through the ELCA and companion churches and communities.

Instead of writing about the mentally and emotionally full week that seeks to prepare our hearts and minds for the year, I want to reflect on the time pre-deployment. The time that I have spent parting from my friends and family has been precious and surreal, full of joy and grief. I say goodbye knowing that I will be absent from special holidays and celebrations, births and possibly deaths. It still has not truly hit me that I will be away from people who have such love for me for a whole year.

Numerous significant things were spoken to me in the days before leaving so I want to share some of that with you now.

"Is your stomach in knots?"

Yes and so much more! At times there is an anxiety in my gut that rises up like a wave of should-have-saids, need-to-dos, and what-will-happens. Other times such a huge feeling of gratitude floods in and I am a loss for words. I meet with friends for lunch and through conversation and laughter and tears, I hold close the wonderful friendship we have. When we have to part ways, despite knowing I will be able to reach them through the internet, the knowledge that I will be physically absent is breaks my heart a little. However, soon I am caught up in the next big emotion of excitement and wonder at the future ahead.

"We know you will succeed!"

How incredibly fortunate and bless I am to have people who believe in me! So many people have shown support of all kinds and it really overwhelms me in the best of ways when I reflect on it.

"Don't leave."

I wish I could physically take you with me. I wish I could spend Christmas with my family and that all of my closest friends could come down to visit this year. But this year of service, this time that I will use to develop relationships and experience another culture not as a tourist but as a resident will hopefully transform me deep within. It is something I feel called to do.

"Just remember to touch your shoulder if you get to feeling lonely or lost and know God is with you and we are too." 

I will have times of darkness in this time ahead and it feels good to acknowledge that fact. Yet the best feeling is that I know I will have the prayers, warm wishes, and thoughts of my community from home. I will never forget the wonderful, kind, and giving people that sent me and having the love and support from you throughout my year will sustain me.

"This God will use all of you and not just your strengths but your failures and your failings and your brokenness and God's strength is perfected in human weakness. So your brokenness is fertile ground for a forgiving God to make something new and make something beautiful. So don't ever think that all you have to offer is your gifts because God's going to use you too, he's going to use all of you and the world better watch out."

I do not need to do anything to make myself better or worthy to do a year as a YAGM - I can't even if I try. I am created by God and called to serve as my total self - my talents and my flaws. How freeing it is to give my life and my trust to a higher power; yet how difficult it is to lose control as well. That lesson that sounds easy but it is difficult to execute in our broken world.

Tonight I will enjoy my time with my 92 other YAGMs before we are sent into the unknown, across the globe. Next time I will be writing from Buenos Aires!

Abrazos,

Joy